Why Do I Write This Blog?

It's been a little bit of a rollercoaster the past few days. The main reason is probably because I'm playing with a pretty short bankroll on Party. I've been playing more and more $25/$50 NL (mostly on Party) because the games just seem pretty good lately and I enjoy shortstacking them (or for full when there is a super fish). I decided I'm just going to take what I have on Party and go for it. I know I've been running bad, but I'm trying to keep it all in perspective. My confidence can't go in the tank every single time I run really bad. I feel like taking a shot right now, so I'm going to take a shot.

I'm going to start structuring the blog a little different, or more accurately, a little more organized. I don't have time to update after every session, so a few sessions often get grouped together. I also write most of the documentation for each session DURING the session or immediately after. So, I will write about whatever I feel like at the start, then have headings for each session (meaning #1 is the first session since my last update and so on). I will pretty much just cut & paste what I have already written into each of these sections.

Also, I always enjoy when someone mentions to me they've checked out my blog. There have been many people tell me they enjoy it that I never expected would take an interest. It's nice getting a little bit of feedback, whether positive/negative/indifferent, other than watching a stupid counter slowly go up everyday. So, point being, if you regularly come back here, take a minute and tell me by posting a comment (available at the bottom of each entry). I'm just genuinely curiuos of who has taken an interest. I've also started a thread on the PCH message board where you can post any questions/comments/whatever.

I've been asked a few times "Why do you write your blog?". I know a couple times the person asking is merely suspicious that the reason is simply for me to brag and talk about myself (though I guess talking about yourself is the point of a personal blog). So, yah, it's fun to have a big win then be able to talk about it and hopefully reach a few interested ears (and even better, maybe some people who are cheering along). Thing is, and you'll know this if you've been reading anything I've written in the past couple weeks, I'm not getting many opportunities to brag...period. It's been rough and I actually have to suck up my pride every single freakin' time things go south.

Here are a few other reasons:
* nice to vent sometimes
* forces me to keep precise records of earnings and hand histories. I really pick up some tendencies in my game by reviewing closely all my crucial hands. Sometimes even WHILE I'm writing my blog entry I realize I was playing much more horribly than I suspected, and it's something I can more alertly watch for in the future.
* sometimes it's a pain in the ass, but usually it's fun and I enjoy practicing my writing (though this isn't exactly Shakespeare or anything an English teacher would approve of!)
* but I think the most influential reason for me is this: poker, ESPECIALLY online poker, is a very, very, very lonely venture sometimes. It's just me, my big-ass projector screen which takes up the majority of my vision, and my extremely durable mouse which accepts the fact it will take regular beatings. It's an extremely emotional and stressful job, but it just builds and builds inside. My wife is here for me always, and is very supportive of my poker in general (she really is great about it), but it's really hard for a non-poker player to relate and fully understand (though by now, she knows more about the true poker lifestyle than many poker players I know). Luckily I also have many poker friends to discuss things with, but I understand people can only hear so many bad beats and sob stories. And on the flip side, when I'm running well I feel some friends don't really need to hear all about it, especially if they're running harsh. So, that leaves me with this blog: I can write/complain/brag/anything and if people want to know about it, they can. If they are bored or uninterested, they can stop reading and that's that. With a group of people following the progress, I simply don't feel as alone in the poker world. This is probably a big incentive for the PCH message board as well. Plus, if anything I write helps a fellow poker player, that's all good too (plus you guys are rarely my competition and when you are I'm mostly playing for fun anyway!).

Finally, I also know there will be the occasional person, possibly even family, who will come across here and not approve at all. If someone thinks what I do, after 4+ years, is some sort of gambling degeneracy, and what I write here doesn't change it, I don't think anything I say will change their mind. If they disapprove morally, I won't try to defend it. I understand. I'm fully conscious of the fact I only TAKE through my poker. My gain is ALWAYS another's loss, and sometimes the other person probably can't afford it (I'm not nieve enough to think otherwise). The only thing that is important in this profession is my bottom line. Money. That's it. I don't feel guilt, it's all fair-and-square and I've worked harder at this than anything in my life. It took awhile for this reality to dawn on me. I think the initial thrill of poker had to wear down a bit before I started seeing past the immediate results and consequences. I want to, one day, help people. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to keep making coin (and hopefully good coin!), but I want my business endeavours to have more positive benefits than financial. Hopefully real estate will be a small step towards that and is a big motivation for me.

Alrighty, that's enough babble. Here are the sessions. Remember, most stuff written below was written the day of the session.

Session 1 (graph)

Another huge disaster...down about $7k. Not sure why the graph shows down $8.3k. I guess sometimes some of the error hands that don't import into Poker Tracker properly are bigger pots that effect the results. So, this time, I assume just one decent pot I won was not included.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1458098 - Good or bad news? Bad - I lose the pot after thinking I'm definitely winning, Good - I save a few hundred by him disconnecting, Bad - I would have won the whole pot on a "no disconnect" table.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1458102 - I don't know what to say anymore. How many times is stuff like this going to happen? How far ahead do I need to be? These mind-blowing beats are what I've come to expect, I can NEVER relax in a hand anymore.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1458115 - this hand is pretty standard lately. Geezus, when it rains it fucking pours.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1458128 - I keep getting the money in while I'm ahead and it just doesn't matter anymore.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1458134 - I let everyone and their mother in preflop on this one, but get away with a nice pot. It's funny I gotta play this so risky before I actually win with KK. I should just become a calling station.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1458167 - I decide to give up early on this bluff, think that was a good idea here.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1458180 - I made a small comeback with KK, and it all goes away and more with KK again. This is pretty much what always happens now when I 3-bet really big pre-flop. I don't see how I can fold this on the flop, I'm beating so much and crushing a bunch of hands too. This was a huge pot. I just can't imagine poker going anymore horribly than this.

Things didn't get any better but I'm tired of posting these hands. I'm sure they're getting tiresome to read because there isn't even a lot of analysis, it's just no-brainer hands that I'm losing over and over. Down $7k today, this is the biggest hit after a long dry spell. This might be the harshest period of my entire poker career. Actually, it definitely is. I wonder how much is bad play and how much purely bad luck, I really am not sure anymore.

Session 2 - 4

Mix of a bunch of SNGs, and 5/10 and 10/20 on Betfair and Party. Down almost $2k total.

Session 5 (graph)

Hey, a WINNING SESSION! WOOOOOOOO! Made $7k, getting back the first session. I didn't save as many hands as I was actually busy with many tables and actually winning some hands. I started this session down pretty good again and made a nice comeback on $25/$50.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1465345 - here, even though I'm not having a great session again, I finally sucked out on someone myself. This hand is actually pretty standard against a half-stack, but still, I hit ugly runner trips. Hope this starts a trend.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1465449 - finally a big pot with AA. If I had of gotten one outted here (and missed my redraw), I think I would have had to quit poker forever.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1465460 - Hey, I even won a short stack all-in preflop with AK. Didn't really think there was anyway I was winning on this board, so nice surprise to see him flip over KJ.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1465483 - Aw. I'm happy when I see him call the river. I probably could have gotten stacked this hand...

Session 6 (graph)

Rollercoaster session tonight on $25/$50!

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468595 - nice little pickup, good sign that i had a set hold up against what was probably a straight draw.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468608 - I slowplay AA pre-flop and hold up against against a flush draw. So, this is what it's like when your opponent misses a draw! It's sort of fun, two in a row.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468642 - Just when I start seeing the light, back to the ugliness, this is so sick...I can't beat poker like this.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468650 - he prices me in to seeing a flop even with my shortstack and I nail it.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468657 - i think i play this just right. any other way and I don't make nearly as much. this was a strong opponent, and i knew he'd fold to my 3-bet preflop (which he would have with KQ) because I just haven't been 3-betting much at all on this table. More often than usual, I feel the need to slowplay my big pairs with a shortstack. I don't know if it's flawed thinking, but it's been working. Probably being influenced by the fact that i lose everytime i 3-bet a big hand pre-flop.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468660 - boo, i get unlucky to chop, i had him by the balls on this one.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468700 - I can't tell you how badly I wanted to call this. This guy is quite loose and very aggressive, but I just don't see him continuing a bluff on the turn here (I have seen him give up on many bluffs). There is a chance he has AQ/AJ, but I really don't think so. I think he's hit some ugly two pair or a low set. This was a pretty big laydown given the context of this game, but the right one I think.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1468682 - This guy's "blind steal" percentage on the button is almost 50%, so a 3-bet is a no-brainer here. After he pushes pre-flop I have no choice but to call (his range is so wide anyway). Turns out it's a coinflip and I see a beauty J on the flop. I needed this one. This puts me up (+$1k) for the first time tonight!

Well, like I said, I'm up for the first time tonight and I think I'll call 'er quits. I was back-and-forth between down $1k and down $4k the whole session until now, the games are not that great, so I think I'll just take the $1000 and run for the hills.

I played pretty much only $25/$50 NL tonight with a very short $10/$20 stint on one table. I feel like I'm playing very passive, however these guys are so aggressive, I feel I like this style better especially for shortstacking. My flops seen tonight was only 19% which is quite a bit lower than normal (I usually roam between 25-35%), and I'd like to keep it that way. I played really tight in early-mid position and rarely limped. If I wanted to play a suited connector or low pair I'd raise it up and wouldn't get 3-bet too often because I had table respect in early position. I could take down a lot of pots on the flop or get to see cheap turns. Plus, I found this style less stressful.

Summary

So, even though I'm down about $1k since my last update, I've turned things around a little in the past couple days. I feel I've kept my calm through most of the ugly beats that have continued to happen way more than I'm accustomed to. I'm going to continue to try and focus really hard on not tilting. I have to remember to be very selective with the $25/$50 games because there are VERY profitable games to be found sometimes, but they can very quickly change to a table full of top pros. If I had a HUGE bankroll, I'd battle it out with them because I think I could compete profitably, but that's not the case and I'm not ready.

Here is an interesting graph from PokerEV. The legend is messed up, so red line is Sklansky bucks, blue line is showdown winnings, and green line is total winnings.

I don't even really understand this software completely, but I know this is showing some pretty bad luck in September thus far. It shows me as running $12k below my mathematically expected value, which really sucks! It's probably accurate within a couple thousand. The numbers as far as total winnings goes are not accurate (I'm a bit more down than it shows), and the software is still in beta stage, and I think it mostly just factors in all-in hands and hands where you get to see a showdown. I dunno really but thought it was interesing/depressing/excuse to make me feel better about my play. If you don't know what Sklansky bucks are, well, look it up or don't worry about it.

So, careful game selection and good solid focused play is this week's installment of my random gameplan theory. Hopefully I can continue on this small upswing from the past couple days.

Peace!