So frustrated...

I'm very pissed off right now. I've been running good lately and made okay money. But, the SECOND I play a little bigger I always run shitty. I just went bust on FullTilt, mostly playing SNGs. I don't know, I guess I suck at them. I get killed at the bigger ones no matter how shitty my opponents are. I'm so tilted right now, I won't bother playing more.

My last day in Pinawa I lost two $2250 SNGs against a complete fucking fish. She played like it was limit poker. So card dead. I would never play that big SNG unless it was against someone I know to be terrible (and have watched donk away money). Then, today, I played a guy 5 times in FT $1130 SNGs. Won the first easy, then lost 4 in a row. I completely dominated the play and couldn't catch a break on the big hands. Look at this bullshit:

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1093366
http://www.pokerhand.org/?1093390
http://www.pokerhand.org/?1093421

If I can't beat these passive fish, who the fuck can I beat in these SNGs? Maybe I should really just stick to cash game. It pisses me off so much everytime I play a $1000+ SNG my luck goes to hell. GAHHHHH! I get all excited about running good for a few days, then I run a million times worse in the span of 2 days and lose my whole FT roll (which was up to $9,500). I can't even describe how pissed off I am at this.

Mixed in there I scraped together $1625 in cash games on FT and PP. Whooppee....

So, in my last 7 SNGs I've lost $7950. Unfuckingreal. All against complete idiot passive fish. Like I said, maybe I just suck at the higher stakes SNGs. It would be nice NOT to have to get my opponent all-in with the far better hand 2-3 times(!!!) each match in order to win. Such bullshit...when my FT account runs bad it completely goes in the shitter. Good riddance, without Neteller it's so hard to get money back there anyway...I won't fucking miss it. I made tons of money before december, and since then, it's been completely useless. Nothing but bad beats and ugly crap.

I don't know if the $10/$25 game is on this Tuesday. We'll see.

I feel so ridiculous that I lost my entire FullTilt bankroll in stupid SNGs. How the fuck do I lose 6/7 against those idiots? Well, I guess crap like the hands above is the answer. But, check out my sharkscope (raiseandpray on fulltilt and groovyt on stars), it's horrible. My ROI (return-on-investment) has always been positive (I think my FT might have just gone to -1%), but my losses are huge. And, obviously, that is because I lose every damn time I play the big ones (and I only play the big ones against losing and crappy players). I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I'm just going to quit playing them. Disappointing...

Anyway, I'm gonna go calm down. I hate this feeling. I love poker, but I almost equally hate this feeling of frustration. I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm going to get unlucky all the time. Half of my poker in the past two months I'm feeling so vulnerable in all my hands and EXPECTING to get fucked when I get all my chips in, and then bam, exactly what I'm scared of (always 5 outs or less) comes just like I'm imagining it. I hate bitching like a little pussy too, so I'll just stop and go cool off....I'll write more when I'm not so ridiculously pissed off.

Online cash & SNG (since blog start): +$17,515 US
Donkaments (since blog start): +$4,770 US
Live cash (since Nov/06): +$26,700 CDN