Still in shock

Started the day off real well, played a little 5/10 and 10/20 and made about $2,200 in 20 minutes before going to Penguin Club for the big game.

Players were late showing up, so we played a little $100 SNG for fun. I said while it was starting "I'm going to hit all my hands during this thing and not win a hand all day in the cash game". Well, I split for 1st in the SNG (making $400 after tip or something like that) and had the worse stretch of cash game in my life.

I feel embarrassed writing this, and almost quit the blog merely because I feel ridiculous if friends and family read this, but I was down $19,360. I can't just shrug off losing that type of money. I won $32,500 in that game a couple months ago, but never thought I'd EVER lose more than 5-10k, didn't really think I'd be capable of that even with terrible luck. I won't even bother with hand replays cuz it'll just make me sick, lets just say I didn't win many hands and the few flops I hit big (sets, etc) I found a way to lose by the river. Probably blew about $5k in badly timed bluffs, shrug.....played bad, terrible cards, terrible luck, just terrible. My overall winnings in that game now sit at $23,000, though at one point in the last session (the one before yesterday) I was sitting at $52,000. Quite a swing...

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. I think we're playing again next Tuesday, and I'm going to go, but I might have to play a little more conservative. There will hopefully be some new blood in the game next week I've heard. I just can't make a bluff anymore, everyone calls me down so light, I just have to wait and hope to hit, but we'll see I guess. I've already got the image of a big bluffer, so hopefully that'll last for a couple sessions and I can get paid off if I ever hit a hand again in that game.

I've cashed out a bunch online just because I feel like I should. I'm only going to play 5/10 and lower and try to build back some money and confidence. Going to concentrate on other things for a while too (like this damn real estate course), just need a break. I want to play some serious cards in Vegas in June, but don't want to burn out or lose anymore before that. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really starting to lose my motivation for poker, I just have to take a little time and re-evaluate and see how things go over the next couple weeks.

Results:
Online: +$2,200, Total: +$5,170 (since blog start)
Penguin Club: -$19,000, Total: +$23,000 (since game started in November)